Yum! Velveeta sandwhiches for dinner again! Plastic cheese! What is our world coming to when we eat plastic cheese for dinner every night because my ultra-conservative parents love it! We used to have turkey, or steak, or whatever all those stereotypical Republicans--my parents don't know but this cheese business converted me to democraticism, or whatever--have for dinner. I went to the Kraft Festival my liberal aunt dragged my mom to. She tasted a sweet-and-slimy slice of orange square membrane called Velveeta, and was captivated by its spell and force-fed it to the rest of us. Our cookie jar is now a Velveeta jar. Breakfast is Kraft parmesan cheese, topping a Velveeta omelet. We do have, at least, a varied lunch menu. Kraft macaroni and cheese, or cornburgers, or Hawaiian bologna and tropical fruit salad, Velveeta crepes, Kraft pizza kits. Velveeta-Foo-Yung, or tamales with Kraft re-fried beans and artificially flavored hot sauce topped with Velveeta. Hey, no one can say we aren't an international family! We get Kraft cheese spread, straight out of the can, on Kraft butter crackers for snacks, and we drink synthetic Kraft chocolate milk, which coats your mouth with a slimy non-removable coating. Mother threw out all of her old recipes and replaced them with twenty-three volumes of the Complete Kraft Cooker, written by various housewives around the country. She even makes up her own recipes. And, boy, can she be creative! I haven't the heart to tell her what I do with my lunch money. It would just kill her if she knew I spent it on real cheese.

back to will the child prodigy..